If only life could always be like a beach...

April 16, 2011

La Jolla, CA

sing along to your favorite song

it's been awhile since i last ranted or wrote about my feelings. damn where has the time gone...sigh. well, i'm 21 & invincible now! still single, sitting, waiting, wishing...
however, i recently did get my game on, thanks to my best girls for helping me and giving me the extra "push" that i needed. i know it seems silly and all that i can't even start the game without having some sort of coaching beforehand, but hey i am trying real hard to score on my own.
so far, i'm getting mixed signals...well, i think he started it first, then i gave him back one, and now he gave one back to me O.o
sighhhh i hate the unknown. i try to be myself but i can only be myself if he'd let me. i dont want to give myself away too much @ the same time.
for some reason i feel so rejected...i mean i prob am being rejected but then he comes @ me again. i swear he just wanted me attention @ his convenience. grr and i hate that i asssume. well, until next time...
p.s. sex & the city is my new fav. show...it's very shocking. but carrie bradshaw is a bit inspirational to me. it has given me a little hope, though i know it's just a show.

Annie's Score- 0

Yesterday proves that i have no game whatsoever! Ugh i totally freeze when it comes to talking to guys i think are good looking and such. I tried to loosen up but become tense once again when it becomes silent. Then i try the to think of the right things to say in my head then say it out loud, but sometimes i keep it to myself so he won't think I'm some dumb bitch. My friend says she has bad self esteem which didn't seem like it yesterday. i wish icould be more like her and she wishes she could be more like me. We're so silly. well, hopefully I'll learn the game soon, I'm not getting any younger that's for sure.

Stop reminiscening, Annie

it's something i have to stop doing if i want to live my life. But i can't help it sometimes. It's just situations that happened to me has healed but has also left scars that i can't forget and want to prevent from happening again. My friend asks me if I'm waiting for the right moment. I tell her that idk myself, whatever happens, happens. Somehow i know i have to let go and live for once. Experience more of the life i was given. Seriously, who knows what could happen to me in any given day, me leaving like that w/ just barely enough knowledge and experience. I need some new motivation and inspiration in my life. Maybe someone along the way too...

sitting, waiting, wishing

I'm in hope thinking that at least he thinks I'm pretty if not "hot" as he described this one Asian girl of being "hot" in our class. oh well, someday just someday. Kinda tired of waiting for that someday tho. when will it be my turn?

"omg...you're like drew barrymore in "never been kissed!"!!!"

To live my life...as if I'm not or am i living a lie? Ok yea sure, i am almost 21 and have never been on a date but so what. Yes, i do want to be happy and have a family later in life but that's later alright. But still, so what. I'm perfectly happy just being by myself. Yea it'd be nice but i need to find myself before i go find someone or they find me. Haha. so a good friend of mine advise me to play the game, even tho she hates the game! I blew off a Halloween party tonight just so i wouldn't have to play the game haha. Oh well. Yes i do love being complicated!

And this is the part where you find out who you are

I think i did some real inspirational things and it was all in one day. I donated all my change for my light the night walk and walked @ cal Baptist for the charity. I also helped my long time friend out despite her having a breakdown and started crying. But i hope she takes my words and herself seriously. i know she'll be outta msjc & school for that matter soon and will be at the place she wants to be in life. after finishing the walk, i came home and started watching law and order:svu to relax. Then Cindy calls me. We always have good talks especially @ night time. talked about just what's been going on in our lives. Told Cindy about Sarah and she me realize how right i am about believing in your own self is more important then others believing in you  and that sometimes you gotta be selfish to achieve the things you want. Cindy said that it's so true & that she never thought of it like that before. She even made believe it's true lol. I really didn't know i had those kind or words inside me. But I'm glad i can spread that kind of positive thinking onto others. Life is good!

And so Annie waits...

The song called "Annie waits" by Ben folds played twice on the 2 diff times I've been there...so weird.
hmm yes, i think i do wait and just keep waiting. I wait for real love and real life to happen. I'm not desperate, just going w/ the flow and in fact, i love what has come into my life so far. But i am waiting for that it-only-happens-in- the-movies type of situation. Ugh typical dream on bullshit i know, but hey it can happen ;) maybe it's b/c I've been watching too many romantic movies on showtime & lifetime this summer (that only proves how my summer sucks & i don't have a life) & that stuff is drilling into my head about finding that tall, dark, & handsome (ex: keanu reeves...YUM) & eventually everything will fall in place after he has swept my feet off the ground...


well, that'll be the day